Red Flag #3

3. He showboated about his mad romance skillz before arranging a "big surprise date"...and then took me on the same date I'd been on 500 times with my high school boyfriend.

Pretty early on in our yearlong relationship, he called me up bragging about how he'd arranged a date that would "totally blow my mind." Supposedly I was "not even ready" for the eventful evening he had planned.

I found out soon enough what this meant: He showed up with my favorite flowers (yellow roses) and took me out for my favorite food (Italian).

In other words, two things he learned from reading my Facebook profile.

Now, I know what you're thinking. But let me assure you I'm not a high-maintenance girl who wants her boyfriend to show up in a Lear jet bound for Venice.

Of course I was appreciative. Of course I enjoyed it--two of my favorite things after all.

But, um, my high school boyfriend also used to bring me yellow roses and fettuccini alfredo, so...if you want to brag about being on par with a 17-year-old, then I don't know what to tell you.

After all the pre-date hype, consider my mind not blown.

See also:

Exhibit B
Him: "Just wait until you see what I got you for your birthday."
Gift: An earth-friendly Barnes and Noble bag with unwrapped Travel Scrabble inside.

Oh, please. He wasn't that earth-conscious--he just didn't bother to think of anything. Or wrap it.

Exhibit C
His birthday is 10 days before mine. He threw himself a huge party at a neighborhood bar (and I helped as much as he would let me). I got him a creative gift, decorated his apartment before he got home, made sure I ordered the type of cake he hinted about, and collected amusing anecdotes about him from his good friends to assemble a book.

Man I was a sucker.